My Name Is Earl Pilot Script Pdf Rating: 5,0/5 1586 votes. Amigos de Garcia Productions. Distributor Release Original network Picture format ( ) Original release September 20, 2005 ( 2005-09-20) – May 14, 2009 ( 2009-05-14) My Name Is Earl is an American series created by that aired on the television network from September 20, 2005, to. MacGyver: “Pilot ” Season 1, Episode. Script Supervisor. Just remember to put my name somewhere. If you have comments or questions. In the first episode of our new podcast, we look back on the pilot for 'My Name is Earl'. Hosted by Matt Crowley, with guest co-host Luwa Fashola. The King Of Fighters Special Edition 2004 Hack Roms.

Quit Smoking 3. Randy's Touchdown 4. Faked My Own Death 5. Teacher Earl 6. Broke Joy's Fancy Figurine 7. Stole Beer From a Golfer 8. Joy's Wedding 9. Cost Dad the Election 10. White Lie Christmas 11. Barn Burner 12. O Karma, Where Art Thou? Stole P's HD Cart 14. Monkeys in Space 15. Something to Live For 16. The Professor.

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My Name Is Earl is an American sitcom series created by Greg Garcia that aired on the NBC television network from September 20, 2005, to May 14, 2009, in the United States. It was produced by 20th Century Fox Television and starred Jason Lee as Earl Hickey, the title character. The series also starred Ethan Suplee, Jaime Pressly, Nadine Velazquez, and Eddie Steeples.

Most episodes from the first season, then only a few from the rest, began with Earl presenting the premise of the series:

• 3Production

Synopsis[edit]

Earl Hickey is a small-time thief, living in the fictional rural town of Camden, who loses his winning $100,000 lottery ticket after being hit by a car while he celebrates his good fortune. Lying in a hospital bed, he learns about karma during an episode of the talk show Last Call with Carson Daly. Convinced he has to turn his life around to be happy, Earl gives himself over to the power of karma. He makes a list of every bad thing he's ever done and every person he has ever wronged, and makes efforts to fix them all. After doing a first good deed, he finds the $100,000 lottery ticket that he had lost. Seeing this as a sign of karma rewarding him for his commitment, Earl uses his newfound wealth to do more good deeds according to his list.^[1]

Earl's wife Joy throws him out, leaving her with Dodge, whom she conceived before getting together with Earl, and Earl Jr., who was fathered during their marriage, but not by Earl. Earl moves into a motel and lives with his brother Randy, and they meet Catalina, the motel's beautiful maid who illegally emigrated from somewhere in Latin America. Earl works on the list which mostly involves strangers and old acquaintances he has wronged, but also contains items involving his family. Initially Joy plots to kill or blackmail Earl for his lottery winnings, but later gives up. Joy marries Darnell Turner, a mutual friend who works at a local restaurant called the Crab Shack, and with whom she had been having an affair. In the Season One finale, Earl discovers he had bought the lotto tickets using money he stole from another person, but when he tries to return his winnings to that person, the latter is inflicted with bad karma, so he returns the money to Earl.

The second season has Earl continuing to work on his list, however, Joy gets in trouble when she steals a delivery truck and ends up kidnapping and assaulting the member of staff who was inside. Joy is arrested for felonies that would put her in prison for life because it was her third strike. To soften the jury, she decides to have a surrogate baby for her half-sister Liberty Washington. When things do not go well at her trial, Earl sacrifices himself by confessing to all of Joy's crimes, and is sentenced to two years in a state penitentiary. Also during the series, Catalina was deported, so Earl and Randy visit her home village in Latin America, and Randy marries Catalina in a green card marriage so she can return to the United States.

In the third season, Earl is still imprisoned, but continues to do good deeds despite not having his list on him. He meets Frank, whom he had rented the trailer from in which Joy and her husband Darnell now live; while Randy gets a job as a prison guard to be closer to Earl. Meanwhile, Joy gives birth to Liberty and Ray Ray's baby. Earl's good deeds attract the attention of the state warden Jerry, who offers Earl a reduction in prison time for helping him resolve his issues. When Earl is about to leave, Jerry revokes Earl's reductions as he would lose such a productive helper, but Earl eventually gains the upper hand and forces Jerry to honor his early release. After leaving prison, Earl loses his confidence in the list; he has spent years and the last of his lottery winnings doing good things, but has nothing lasting to show for it, and is insistent that karma should have given him some kind of lasting reward by now. He reverts to his old, malicious ways, doing cruel and illegal things until Frank's ex-girlfriend Billie Cunningham hits him with her car and puts him into a coma as a result; then is subsequently hit herself. Randy is able to revive Earl by working on the list. Earl finds Billie and marries her, thinking she is karma's reward for his years of effort. When Earl and Billie argue over the list, and when Earl chooses the list over her, Billie goes into a rampage where she undoes his good deeds. However, when Billie hides in the Amish-like 'Camdenite' settlement, she has a change of heart. She divorces Earl and gives him the rest of her insurance settlement money.

The fourth season goes back to focusing on Earl doing good deeds to cross off his list.^[2] A major story arc during this season was that Darnell, who is actually a former assassin from a secret government agency, blows his witness protection cover. He, Joy and his family are forced to change identities and relocate until Darnell's father, also from the agency, goes on a mission with Darnell which clears them of needing protection. The season ends with a cliffhanger episode in which Earl and the gang learn from DNA test results that Earl is actually Dodge's biological father. However, they also learn that Darnell is not Earl Jr.'s father, revealing Joy had another affair.

Cast[edit]

• Jason Lee as Earl Hickey, a small-time thug who turns his life around after winning money on a lottery scratcher and making a list of wrongs that he plans to make amends for.
• Ethan Suplee as Randy Hickey, Earl's dim-witted brother.
• Jaime Pressly as Joy Turner, Earl's ex-wife who lives in a trailer park.
• Nadine Velazquez as Catalina, the maid at the motel where Earl and Randy reside.
• Eddie Steeples as Darnell Turner, a worker at the local restaurant that Earl and the gang frequent. He marries Joy in season 1.

Production[edit]

Conception[edit]

Creator and head writer Greg Garcia wrote the pilot while working on another sitcom, Yes, Dear. He initially pitched the series to Fox which passed on the series. He then approached NBC, which optioned the pilot on a cast-contingent basis, meaning they would order the pilot provided a suitable cast could be assembled. Jason Lee was approached for the lead role, but was uninterested in working in television and passed on the series twice before finally agreeing to read the pilot script. Though he liked the pilot, he was hesitant to commit to his first TV starring role until meeting with Garcia, after which he signed on to play Earl Hickey.^[3]

Locations[edit]

My Name Is Earl is set in fictional Camden County. Creator Greg Garcia says:^{[citation needed]}

In the episode 'BB', Earl's driver's license address is at 'Pimmit Hills Trailer Park, Space C-13, Camden County', but the state is not listed. Creator Greg Garcia said that Camden County is loosely modeled on Pimmit Hills, Virginia, the neighborhood where he grew up.^[4][5] The actual location in Los Angeles was not a trailer park, but was built up to look like one.^[6]

Many of the locations were filmed in San Fernando Valley in California. In the season 1 episode 'The Professor', Earl receives a postcard from Alex with the address 'Earl Hickey, The Palms Hotel RM 231, 9005 Lincoln Blvd, Camden USA' with Earl's hand covering up most of the postmark. The Palms Motel structure is actually a motel in North Hills, California, now named the Palm Tree Inn Motel. It was also used to film other shows and films such as Gilmore Girls, The Mentalist, and Heroes.^{[7][8][9][10]} Exterior shots of the Crab Shack and Club Chubby were also taken from locations in Van Nuys and North Hills.^[6] Houses and shops for the various characters come from locations in Van Nuys, Santa Clarita, Northridge, Moorpark, Los Angeles, and other Southern California cities.^[11][12][13] In the episode 'Didn't Pay Taxes', Earl and Randy climb the landmark Artesia water tower, although they do not refer to it by name.^[14]

Other episodes have listed states that were unlikely to have Camden County. In the episode 'Our Other Cops is On', officer Stuart Daniels states that his surveillance equipment was 'supposed to go to Camden, New Jersey, but came here instead'. In 'Earl and Joy's Anniversary', when killer bees have invaded Camden and then left, Iqball says that the bees are heading for Texas. The flashback episodes 'Inside Probe' describe Camden County as trying to stay independent during the American Civil War and forming its own country called Central, which lasted less than a day.

Cancellation and future[edit]

The series ended abruptly on May 19, 2009 after running for four seasons. Season four had ended with the caption 'To Be Continued'. The series' producer, 20th Century Fox Television, approached the Fox,^[15]TBS^[16] and TNT^[17] networks to continue the series, but they were unable to come to terms without 'seriously undermining the artistic integrity of the series.'^{[16][18][19][20][21][22]}

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In October 2011, Jason Lee told E! Online he has been in talks with Greg Garcia to finish the list via a movie, possibly to be released online.^[23]

On October 1, 2013, creator Greg Garcia participated in an AMA on Reddit. Fan Jerry Denton asked 'Who was Earl Jr's. real father and did Earl ever finish the list?'

Garcia replied:^[23]

Critical reception[edit]

The show was well received by critics and audiences alike. One reviewer speculated that Earl's forthrightness to having led a life of idiocy is what endears him to the viewer, and is what suggests there is a depth to his character beyond what is initially seen.^[1] Many of the negative and ambivalent reviews center on what is perceived to be base^[24] and bigoted humor.^[25]

The series was nominated twice for Best International Programme at the British Academy Television Awards in 2007 and 2008. The pilot episode won Emmy awards for Outstanding Writing and Directing in a Comedy Series for Greg Garcia and Marc Buckland respectively at the 58th Primetime Emmy Awards. Jaime Pressly won for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy series at the 59th Primetime Emmy Awards. Other Emmy nominations include Beau Bridges and Giovanni Ribisi for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series.

Some critics questioned if the series had been influenced by Scientology, with actors Jason Lee and Ethan Suplee being Scientologists at that time.^[26] In 2008, Alec Baldwin publicly named Earl creator Greg Garcia as being a Scientologist;^[27] Garcia quickly denied any involvement with Scientology, claiming that the Daily Mirror had incorrectly reported him to be a Scientologist.^[28]

Episodes[edit]

Home media[edit]

Ratings[edit]

The series premiered on September 20, 2005, drew in 14.9 million viewers in the United States, earning a 6.6 rating. By the airing of the third episode it was apparent that My Name Is Earl was the highest rated of NBC's new fall offerings, and a full season (22 episodes) was ordered. In its first month, it was also the highest rated new sitcom of the season to air on any network and was the highest rated sitcom on any network in the 18–49-year-old demographic. The show was renewed for a second season (2006-07), a third (2007-08), and a fourth (2008-09).

Syndication[edit]

20th Century Fox Television has cleared My Name Is Earl in nearly 50% of the U.S., said Bob Cook, the company's president and chief operating officer. 20th had sold the off-net sitcom to the Fox, Tribune, CBS, Hearst-Argyle, and Sinclair station groups for a fall 2009 debut.^[39]

My Name Is Earl aired in off-network syndication and on TBS, Ion Television, and MyNetworkTV in the United States. Canada airs the series on Joytv.The series premiered in January 2006 on Channel 4 in the UK. The fourth and Final season was shown on E4 in October 2008. In 2013, 5* gained the repeat rights to the series. The show will be repeated on Comedy Central Extra from March 5, 2018.

Comic book[edit]

Independent comic book publisher Oni Press had announced a comic book tie-in to the series in 2006,^[40] and season one's DVD release included ads for the comic; but none were produced. Since the cancellation of the show, Oni has abandoned the comic.^[41]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

1. ^ ^abDeWolf Smith, Nancy (September 16, 2005). 'Arts and Entertainment Review'. Wall Street Journal. Retrieved February 20, 2009.
2. ^''My Name Is Earl' Season 4 Preview: The Legend Of Dan Coscino – Channel Guide Magazine'. channelguidemag.com. September 19, 2008. Retrieved August 4, 2017.
3. ^My Name is Earl season 1 DVD extra: Making Things Right: Behind the Scenes of My Name is Earl Featurette
4. ^Seibel, Deborah Starr (October 9, 2004). 'Comedy Means Always Having to Say You're Sorry'. New York Times. Retrieved July 23, 2017.
5. ^'The surprise hit of My Name is Earl'. Entertainment Weekly. January 13, 2006. Retrieved July 21, 2017.
6. ^ ^abChas Demster (September 2014). 'My Name Is Earl – The Main Locations'. Chas Demster. Retrieved July 21, 2017.
7. ^Blake, Lindsay (January 29, 2016). 'The Palms Motel from 'My Name Is Earl''. Iamnotastalker.com. Retrieved July 21, 2017.
8. ^Hutchinson, Guy (November 2, 2007). 'My Name Is Earl hotel'. Bunchojunk. Retrieved July 21, 2017 – via Blogspot.
9. ^Hutchinson, Guy (February 17, 2012). 'Film locations: The 'My Name is Earl' motel'. Locationsfromfilms. Retrieved July 21, 2017 – via Blogspot.
10. ^Hoffarth, Tony (January 28, 2010). 'My Name is Earl'. Flickr. Retrieved July 21, 2017.
11. ^Chas Demster (September 2014). 'My Name Is Earl – The Houses Of Camden County'. Its Filmed There. Retrieved July 21, 2017.
12. ^Chas Demster (September 2014). 'My Name Is Earl – Businesses, Churches And Schools Of Camden County'. Its Filmed There. Retrieved July 21, 2017.
13. ^'My Name Is Earl – Other Memorable Locations'. Its Filmed There. Retrieved July 21, 2017.
14. ^Official City of Artesia, California (2015). 'Investigating the Water Tower's Structural Integrity'. Retrieved July 21, 2017 – via Facebook.
15. ^Fernandez, Maria Elena (May 19, 2009). ''My Name Is Earl' creator is OK with being 'thrown off the Titanic''. Los Angeles Times. Retrieved May 19, 2009.
16. ^ ^abLittleton, Cynthia (June 8, 2009). 'TBS may give new 'Earl' segs a whirl'. Variety. Retrieved October 5, 2009.
17. ^Flint, Joe (May 20, 2009). 'TBS ready to be lifeboat for 'My Name Is Earl''. Los Angeles Times. Retrieved October 5, 2009.
18. ^Suplee, Ethan (May 23, 2009). 'Thanks for the effort guys…'. Twitter. Retrieved May 23, 2009.^{[self-published source?]}
19. ^Chambers, Elizabeth; Godwin, Jennifer (June 9, 2009). 'Could My Name Is Earl Be Saved?'. E!. Retrieved October 5, 2009.
20. ^O'Connor, Mickey (June 10, 2009). 'My Name Is Earl in Talks to Move to TBS'. TV Guide. Retrieved October 5, 2009.
21. ^Godwin, Jennifer (June 11, 2009). 'My Name Is Earl Dead, Deal with TBS Won't Work Out'. E!. Retrieved October 5, 2009.
22. ^Ausiello, Michael (June 11, 2009). 'This just in: 'My Name is Earl' will NOT live on'. Entertainment Weekly. Archived from the original on October 21, 2009. Retrieved October 5, 2009.
23. ^ ^ab'Jason Lee on My Name Is Earl Movie: 'It's Time!''. E! Online. October 21, 2011. Retrieved April 29, 2012.
24. ^'We learn that the items on Earl's list include No. 86, 'stole a car from a one-legged girl,' and No. 22, 'peed in back of cop car.' Gosh, what swell episodes those ought to make.' Quote by Shales, Tom (September 20, 2005). 'Earl Defines What It Takes To Be Sorry'. Washington Post. Retrieved May 18, 2008.
25. ^'My Name Is Earl is not a stupid sitcom – that is what makes its sexist and homophobic jokes so maddening.. Viewers aren't encouraged to laugh at Earl, as much as they are with him – at the people on his list.' Citation from Will karma smile on NBC's 'My Name Is Earl'?, Baltimore Sun, by David Zurawik, 20 Sept 2005; text retrieved from AV Science Forum, Feb 2009.
26. ^Donaghy, James (June 29, 2007). 'My name is L Ron Hubbard'. The Guardian. Retrieved April 17, 2009.
27. ^Gawker article: 'Alec Baldwin Doesn't Take Any Shit From ScientologistsArchived March 25, 2011, at the Wayback Machine.'
28. ^Spiegelman, Ian (April 17, 2009). 'Greg Garcia Responds to Baldwin: 'I'm Not a Scientologist.''. 'Gawker.com. Archived from the original on April 10, 2009.
29. ^'My Name Is Earl – The Complete 1st Season DVD Information'. TVShowsOnDVD.com. Archived from the original on December 13, 2007. Retrieved November 30, 2007.
30. ^'My Name Is Earl – The Complete 2nd Season DVD Information'. TVShowsOnDVD.com. Archived from the original on December 13, 2007. Retrieved November 30, 2007.
31. ^'My Name Is Earl – The Complete 3rd Season DVD Information'. TVShowsOnDVD.com. Archived from the original on October 21, 2008. Retrieved June 18, 2009.
32. ^'My Name Is Earl – Season Three (2009)'. Amazon.com. Retrieved July 25, 2013.
33. ^'(UK) : My Name Is Earl: Season 3 (4 Discs) : DVD – Free Delivery'. Play.com. Archived from the original on January 29, 2012. Retrieved April 29, 2012.
34. ^'My Name Is Earl – The Complete 4th Season DVD Information'. TVShowsOnDVD.com. Archived from the original on July 30, 2009. Retrieved June 18, 2009.
35. ^'Series'. The Hollywood Reporter. May 26, 2006. Archived from the original on December 8, 2006. Retrieved May 12, 2008.
36. ^'2006–07 primetime wrap'. The Hollywood Reporter. May 25, 2007. Archived from the original on October 25, 2007. Retrieved May 12, 2008.
37. ^Justin Van De Kamp (June 1, 2008). 'TV Ratings: 2007–2008 Season Top-200'. televisionista. blogspot.com. Retrieved October 28, 2009.
38. ^'Season Program Rankings from 09/22/08 through 05/17/09'. ABC Medianet. May 19, 2009. Archived from the original on March 14, 2012. Retrieved 2009-07-03.
39. ^Paige Albiniak (January 8, 2009). 'Twentieth Clears 'Earl' In Half The Country'. Broadcasting & Cable. Reed Business Information. Retrieved October 28, 2009.
40. ^''My Name Is Earl' to become a comic book'. Upi.com. Retrieved July 25, 2013.
41. ^[1]Archived March 15, 2010, at the Wayback Machine

Further reading[edit]

• Fry, Kim (November 28, 2005). 'California church plays role in My Name Is Earl TV series'. United Methodist News Service.
• 'Nominations and Winners'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Archived from the original on February 13, 2008. Retrieved January 13, 2006.

External links[edit]

• My Name Is Earl on IMDb
• My Name Is Earl at TV.com

My Name is Earl (2005–2009) is an NBC sitcom about a man named Earl, who after winning $100,000 in the lottery (and nearly losing it after being struck by a car), sets out to right all of the wrongs he committed in his past in the quest for good karma, having been introduced to the concept by hearing Carson Daly discuss it on television.

• 1Season 1
• 2Season 2
• 3Season 3
• 4Season 4

Season 1[edit]

Pilot[edit]

Earl: [narrating] You know that guy you see, when you stop off at the convenience store in that little town on the way to Grandma's house? Sort of shifty looking fella who buys a packet of smokes, a couple-a lotto tickets and a 'Tall Boy' at 10 AM in the morning? The kind of guy you wait to come out before you and your family go in? Well.. that's me. My name is Earl. And if you took the time to really get to know me, find out what kind of person I really am instead of just stereotyping me, because of the way I look.. well, you'd be wasting your time. 'Cause I'm exactly who you think I am. Hell, I'll pretty much steal anything that's not nailed down.

Earl: Ain't no use running, fool! I know where your momma parks your house!

Quit Smoking[edit]

Donny: I got a tattoo of Moses partin' the Red Sea on my bottom. Wanna see?

Catalina: This is the sweetest, most justified kidnapping I've ever seen.

Randy: How many have you seen?

Catalina: About five or so.

Randy's Touchdown[edit]

Randy: You sure you want to get Grandpa's cuckoo clock back? That thing nearly put my eye out.

Earl: Well, you shouldn't have stood so close. You knew what time it was.

Earl: Karma. You gotta love it!

Faked His Own Death[edit]

Randy: Yeah, I'm glad she's not dead any more. Being dead is definitely worse than being alive. When you're dead you can't do all the cool stuff you can do when you're alive. You and I, we can do all kinds of cool stuff cuz we're living, we're not dead, we're alive. If we were dead we wouldn't be able to do all the cool stuff we can do, because we're alive. Dead people can't do cool stuff. Only people that are alive can do cool stuff, cuz they're living, and you have to be living to be able to do cool stuff. You have to be alive. Yeah, 'cept when you're alive sometimes bad stuff happens too. Like sometimes you can get into a car wreck, or you can have a headache or twist your ankle or even stub your big toe.. So being alive is kinda hard too, but I think it's definitely better than being dead..

Randy: Maybe you should listen to Catalina. She's a woman, just like Natalie. They're both women; her and Natalie. You and I are men. We're not women.

Earl: [narrating] Sometimes Randy takes a long road to a simple thought.

Randy: You see, men think different than women. You and I think different than Natalie and Catalina 'cause we're men and they're women. I'm right, right, I'm not wrong. Am I wrong?

Teacher Earl[edit]

Joy: Look Earl, you can't teach her how to talk. I got kids to feed.

Earl: These are good people, Joy. I mean they have the right to learn whatever they want.

Joy: No they don't ! There's nothing in the Bible that says people have the right to learn stuff. I have read it !

Broke Joy's Fancy Figurine[edit]

Shelly Stoker: I just can't believe you were married to Joy Darville. I haven't thought about how much better I am than her in years!

Candy Stoker: But Mom, I want to be a doctor!

Shelly Stoker: Honey, if I wanted a doctor in the family, I would have made a boy!

Candy Stoker: Thanks Earl. But won't it hurt if I throw a knife in your leg ?

Earl: Ah, don't worry about it. I've been stabbed by plenty of girls. It only really hurts when you twist it, pull it out, and stick it back in.

Tim Stack: Ladies and gentlemen, this year's Balboa & Sons Lawn Mowers Prettiest Pretty Princesses are.. Joy Darville and cremated Mother Darville !

Stole Beer from a Golfer[edit]

Catalina: What exactly is a county fair ?

Randy: It's like Disneyland for poor people. They got a Ferris wheel, bumper boats, bands you thought were dead.. Last year, they had the world tallest midget. He was as tall as you Earl, remember ?

Earl: I think that might have been a scam, Randy.

Randy: I don't know. That was one tall midget.

Scott: I'm proving my love to you.

Tess: By burning a swastika in my yard?

Earl: Dammit. [tries to stomp out the fire, then his shoe gets kicked into black guy's window; black guy throws it back out]

Black Guy: WE'RE NOT MOVING!

Earl: Now, before I forget, is there anything else I need to fix?

Tess: Uhh.. I used my hand on a guy a little.

Earl: [a little high-pitched] Yeah, I don't know how to un-ring that bell!

Joy's Wedding[edit]

Randy: If I check McNuggeted do you think they'll let me have two different dipping sauces? I like hot mustard for the first bite but I like to chase it with a little honey on the second bite. You know, it's like having a small meal followed by a tiny dessert every ten to fifteen seconds.

[Earl believes Joy told Darnell that they had sex but she has told him Earl slept with his mother]

Earl: Come on, Crabman, you know how she is! You can't be that surprised! [is punched by Darnell] It's not like this is the first time it's ever happened. We used to do it all the time! [is punched again] Come on, Crabman, I didn't get mad when you slept with her! [is punched and knocked to the floor]

Darnell: You take that back! I've never had sexual relations with my moms!

Cost Dad the Election[edit]

[Earl is representing his father in a debate for an election to be mayor.]

Rhonda Gibbs: Mr. Hickey, your views on transport infastructure?

[Earl looks blankly at her, but eventually starts talking.]

Earl: One time, my dad made a driveway sealer out of maple syrup and ground-up glass. Randy tried it on pancakes. But that's another story.

Carl Hickey: I'm Carl Hickey, and I need your vote.

[Airplane flies overhead]

Carl: But I shouldn't have to shout over airplanes to get it!

[Applause]

White Lie Christmas[edit]

Randy: You know, feliz nobby blah.

Catalina: That means nothing.

Randy: To you, maybe, but in American, that means 'Christmas' in Mexican.

Randy: If I can steer that toy car around the room, then we'll be ok to drive.

Earl: Randy, that's the cat.

Yes

Barn Burner[edit]

Joy: You don't want to injure your toilet-scrubbing hand.

Catalina: Quiero agradecer a todo el publico Latino que nos acompaña cada semana. Y para los que no son Latinos, les felicito por aprender otro idioma. [I want to thank all the Latino audience that joins us every week. And for those that are not Latino, congratulations to them for learning another language.]

Joy: Sorry sweetheart, I don't speak 'maid'.

Earl: It's gone!

Dodge: What's gone?

Earl: Mystery Fun Land. They tore it down. Now I can't cross ya off the list.

Dodge: You mean your 'idiot list'?

Earl: Is that what your mom calls it?

Dodge: She also puts another word in front of it, but I don't know what it means. The guy from Scarface says it a lot.

Earl Jr.: I know what it means.

O Karma, Where Art Thou?[edit]

Mr. Patrick: Are you and e. coli buddies?

Earl: Is that the little Chinese guy in the back who washes the dishes?

Xena: You takin' all those rolls to Mr. Patrick's house? Ha. He goes through a lot of toilet paper because he's so full of crap! Yesss!

Stole P's HD Cart[edit]

Earl: We should have taken back roads, but how often do you get to surf a giant hot dog down main street?

[Kenny hands in Ralph's typing]

Secretary: This appears to be all the swear words you know.

Kenny: I have a lot of anger.

Monkeys In Space[edit]

Earl: [drunk] I got a story about Hank. It was Steve Coco's bachelor party. And like all bachelor parties, there was some entertainment.

Hank: Uh, Earl, maybe this isn't the best time..

Earl: No, no, don't worry Hank, I won't tell the bad part. So anyway, Hank goes into the bathroom with this stripper, and, uh, you know, some stuff happens. So Hank comes out ten minutes later with his tongue down the stripper's throat, sayin' how she's gonna be his wife, and all of a sudden, somebody says to Hank, 'I think she'd make a better husband, 'cause she's a duuUUUuuuUUuuUUUUUDE!' [laughs hysterically] WHOO! WHOOoooOOO!

Something to Live For[edit]

Philo: [After Earl tries to persuade Catalina to make out with him to cheer him up] No, it's OK, there's already a girl I'm in love with. She's hot.

Catalina: I'm hot.

Philo: You're OK, but compared to her you're like those things in Lord of the Rings that grow out of the ground covered in slime and attack the castle.

Randy: Ewoks, those are called Ewoks.

The Professor[edit]

Randy: [on discovering a laptop] Hey look, a porn machine!

Didn't Pay Taxes[edit]

[Randy throws a chocolate bar at Earl, it lands on the floor. Earl fights Randy for the other bar and it falls out his mouth.]

Earl: Mine's the one in the wrapper, Randy.

Dad's Car[edit]

Randy: So, Catalina, what are you doing for your mother on Mother's Day?

Catalina: My mother is dead.

Randy: Oh, I'm sorry.

Catalina: Eh, it's okay. It was either her or me.

Billy Reed: You scared? You should be, 'cause I'm Billy Reed. Do you know how many girls I've had sex with? [Holds up four fingers] Four.

Many years later..

Billy Reed: You scared? Is that it growed up Earl? You're scared I'll take another car off you? Huh? You scared? You should be, 'cause I'm Billy Reed. Do you know how many girls I've had sex with? [Holds up five fingers] Five.

Earl: Mom, Dad hates me.

Kay Hickey: You know, hate is a strong word.

Carl Hickey: Kay, I remembered the combination, 3-14-89, it's the day Earl moved out.

Y2K[edit]

Earl: Where is everybody, we've gone 10 blocks and haven't seen a soul.

Donny: Maybe they're hiding.

Randy: Marco? Polo!

Joy: Were not in the damn pool, you idiot! Olly olly oxen free!

Jaime Pressly

Earl: Donny? What can I trade you for a TV?

Donny: Give me your wife!

Earl: I'm not giving you my wife, Donny; pick a snack food.

Donny: Marshmallow fluff, smeared on your wife.

Earl: Donny!

Donny: Ok, I'll give ya a TV, but I get to ask for one favor, and you don't get to ask me what the favor and I can ask you the favor when I want and you can't say no!

Earl: Is the favor giving you my wife?

Donny: Yep!

Boogeyman[edit]

[Albie has tricked his father and the police into thinking Earl and Randy kidnapped him.]

Albie: [shouting] They said they'll kill me if you don't give us pizza!

Randy: Hey, tell them we'll still kill you if it's not pepperoni.

Randy: Earl, it's almost two. Can we watch Win, Lose, Or Draw?

Bounty Hunter[edit]

Joy: She can't knock my teeth out! I'm going to be the first person in my family to get to 30 with all her originals.

Stole a Badge[edit]

Randy: It's like one of them crazy-assed Australian wooden Frisbees.

Randy: Maybe we could get Stuart to be a hero by throwing him into that tank at the aquarium and make him wrestle an octopus.

Earl: That wouldn't make him a hero, Randy, unless the Octopus was committing a crime.. We're not gonna start thinking of ways to get an octopus to commit a crime 'cuz that just has failure written all over it.

BB[edit]

Prosecutor: Your Honor, the defendant solicited sex from a uniformed officer in the middle of the day.

Patty: That's a lie!

Prosecutor: Show the tape.

[patrol car dash cam begins to play]

Patty: [on the dash cam] Hey, I know you're a uniformed officer and it's the middle of the day, but would you like to have sex with me for money?

Defense Attorney: Uh, your Honor, I'd like to resign as this woman's counsel.

Randy: He threw my favorite food at me, Earl. What was I supposed to do?

Earl: Randy, baloney isn’t your favorite food, animal crackers are.

Randy: No, they’re my favorite food shaped like an animal. Do you even listen to me when we talk at night?

Number One[edit]

Randy: If he's dead and you give that money to his stoned horny mom, I'm going to kill you!

Joy: Patty, you really got to stop biting your nails.

Patty: Don't tell me. Tell the mayor. [whispering] He's a nibbler.

Season 2[edit]

Very Bad Things[edit]

Randy: [singing] We represent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, the lollipop..

Darnell: Randy, those aren't helium balloons.

Joy: What the hell are you doing?

Darnell: Throwing you a surprise party.

Joy: My birthday's not till next week!

Darnell: That's the surprise.

Jump For Joy[edit]

Catalina: I will jump for you, Earl, but I will not jump for Joy.

Judge Dierkes: Joy Turner.

Joy: [stands up] Yes, your highness?

Made A Lady Think I Was God[edit]

Earl: Carrot cake is the devil's food. Uh, but that doesn't mean don't make devil's food cake. I love that stuff.

hey

Robbed a Stoner Blind[edit]

Woody: People who say 'laughter is the best medicine' never had gonorrhea.

Born a Gamblin' Man[edit]

Earl: No, what was weak was sitting in that room talking about your feelings.

Earl: Remember, real men keep their emotions bottled up until they explode, and then they punch something that has nothing to do with what they're mad at.

Kenny: What if you lose? You won't be able to wire her the money, and Catalina's brother will have his finger chewed off by a weasel, and she will hate you forever, and what's worse, you'll hate yourself.

Earl: [narrating] When Kenny said those things, it made me look deep into my heart, and I realized something. Something kind of painful. Kenny's a loser!

Earl: I'm betting it all, you gotta stop thinking negative!

South Of The Border, Part Uno[edit]

[Earl is afraid to get a vaccination needed to enter Catalina's country]

Randy: [Throws down Earl's list] Fine, you do what you want.

Earl: [Bending down to pick up the list] I'm sorry Randy, I just think there's a better way to—

[Randy sticks the syringe in Earl's butt]

Earl: [squeaks] Son of a bitch, how did I not see that coming?

Darnell: You know how they say 'take a chill pill?' Joy did.

Our 'Cops' is On[edit]

Joy: Dammit, more cops? Y'all don't quit picking on me, I swear I'm gonna go Ruby Ridge.. Earl! What the hell are you doing?

Earl: You said you wanted a date night, didn't ya? Well, your chariot awaits.

Joy: You stole me a police car?

Earl: Yep. There's a hostage in the back too. If you say something scary, he'll show you pictures of his kids. They're cute.

Joy: I love you so much, baby. I am gonna *beep* your *beep* *beep* with my sweet sweet sweet love *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*.

Earl: Shhhh.. you had me at balls.

Joy: Hey, crank up the radio! Find me some Wu-Tang Clan.

Earl: Since when do you like rap music?

Joy: I'm not cheating on you!

Buried Treasure[edit]

Randy: I can't touch books. You know how afraid I am of paper cuts! They might as well make books out of knives!

Randy: Nerf sidewalks.

Darnell: That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Foreign Exchange Student[edit]

Earl: [narrating] Then it hit me like a headbutt.

Pierre: [to Earl, who called his bag a purse] You son of a bitch, it's a satchel.

Blow[edit]

Joy: I have never been 0 for 2 in one night. 2 for 3, but never 0 for 2.. Randy, do you know where babies come from?

Randy: Yeah. From the bottom of that fuzzy lightning bolt.

The Birthday Party[edit]

Donnie: [singing to the tune of Pat Benatar's Heartbreaker] You’re a pot breaker, fern shaker, scar maker, don’t you mess around with me.

[Later]

Donnie: Ohh yeah you’re a blood taker, face breaker, scab maker. Get that fern away — no, no, no.

Guess Who's Coming Out of Joy[edit]

[Earl's complaining to Randy about Joy giving birth to Darnell's baby]

Earl: We could all walk through the mall together and pass one for a family, now eveyone's gonna stare. I'm a clown, Randy. I'm a damn clown.

Randy: But people like clowns. Hey, wait a second, if we all paint our faces up to look like clowns all the time then no one would know that Earl Jr. wasn't yours. Can we, Earl? Can we paint our faces like clowns?

Earl: Randy, we're not painting our faces like clowns. People'd still stare, and when it rains we'd be screwed.

Harassed a Reporter[edit]

Randy: Thank God you woke me. I was having an eight hour dream about a ball of yarn. It was so boring, I tried to go to sleep, but I already was.

Joy: As you can see I have a black son and a white son, but I don't see race so I can't tell which is which.

Two Balls, Two Strikes[edit]

Little Chubby: Maybe if someone had kicked my dad in the nuts years ago, he wouldn't have been such a mean guy and my mom wouldn't have hit the highway.

Earl: Wow, that must've been tough, seeing your mom leave.

Little Chubby: Oh, she didn't leave. My dad threw her out of a moving car. Still, it was tough to watch.

Earl: What do the doctors say?

Little Chubby: I haven't been to a doctor. As my father used to say, 'never trust a man who wants to stick his finger in your butt'.

Earl: You can't argue with that logic.

Little Chubby: Yeah, well, if he was so smart he wouldn't have ended up with a hole in his head where the vodka should've been.

Season 3[edit]

My Name is Inmate 28301-016[edit]

Glenn: I'm gonna rip out your hair, put it in a jar and, I don't know, mail it to the pope! With a salmon.

Glenn: I'm gonna find you! I will track you down and wear your pelt!

The Gangs of Camden County[edit]

Earl: Whoa! So. You guys are kissin'. What's that about?

Our Other 'Cops' is On![edit]

[A cop goes to Club Chubby's per a police complaint]

Cop: What is the problem here, ladies?

Catalina: The problem is, officer, that this perra stole my regular!

Cop: Alright, alright! Now let's hear Perra's side of the story.

Dancer: He's my regular now! You weren't around! A man's got needs, and I got everything he needs [smacks butt] right here, okay?!

Cop: What's your side of the story, sir?

Nescobar: I don't know why they're fighting! They have both sat on my lap, they are both now my wives.

Cop: Sir, just because a girl sits on your lap doesn't mean you're married to her!

Catalina: You shouldn't even sit on a man's lap; you'll break his legs.

Dancer: [Looks confused]

Catalina: I'm calling you fat.

Dancer: Oh, you should not have explained that!

Nescobar: Wives, wives! I have enough seed for both of you. The skinny one, I will lay with you for pleasure. The thick one, you will birth my sons.

Catalina: See? He called you thick!

[The two girls tackle and fight each other on a pool table; the cop restrains Nescobar from breaking up the fight]

Cop: Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on! Let's see where this goes.

Club Announcer: [V/O] Gentlemen, there is a catfight at the pool table!

Pilot Scripts Pdf

[An inmate walks up to Randy]

Inmate: So you actually know Tim Stack? [Randy nods] Wow, he's funny. I'd like to kidnap him, spend some time with him and maybe set him on fire.

Randy: Yeah, he would be funny on fire.

[Singing to the tune of the 'COPS' theme]

Randy: Tim Stack, Tim Stack, set him on fire.

Inmate: Set him on fire watch him burn to death.

Together: Tim Stack, Tim Stack, set him on fire, set him on fire watch him burn to death, Tim Stack, Tim Stack, set him on fire!

I Won't Die With A Little Help From My Friends[edit]

Doctor: All we can do now is pray. I bet you wish you had more than one god now. Hahaha.

Joy: ..and third, you don't look this good without the Lord on your side!

Killerball[edit]

Earl: [narrating] Lucky for me, Randy had a degree in joysticks from the University of Pacman.

Randy: Wacca wacca wacca wacca.

Girl Earl[edit]

Earl: It was like some crazy cross between Rocky and Supermarket Sweep.

Season 4[edit]

Sweet Johnny[edit]

My Name Is Earl Free

My Name Is Earl Pilot Script Pdf File

Johnny: Woot! Sweet Johnny!

[Earl has discovered that his friend, Sweet Johnny is attempting suicide.]

Earl: Sweet Johnny, what are you doin'?

Sweet Johnny: Endin' it. If this is my life and that's Sheila's ass, I don't wanna go on.

Quit Your Snitchin[edit]

[Earl prepares to surprise Randy with a new car, and Catalina is showing it off]

Randy: I already had her.. not great.

Catalina: Not me, jerk, the car!

Witch Lady[edit]

Stuart: If we have to kill anyone I say we kill the hooker.

Patty: Why me?

Stuart: Hookers die everyday. You're living off borrowed time.

Nadine Velazquez

Joy: I swear, sometimes it's like I married Jesus's nicer brother.

My Name Is Earl Pilot Script Pdf Download

Bully[edit]

Wally: I don't care if that prize comes with a talking pet monkey. It's not worth turning myself into a pansy!

Earl: [narrating] I knew something was wrong because no self-respecting man would ever turn down a talking monkey.

My Name Is Earl Cast

Dodge's Dad[edit]

[The series' last lines]

Earl: Joy, was that the Halloween party where Fat Steve dressed up like the Kool-Aid guy and broke his nose trying to run through the wall? I wore a skeleton costume to that party.

Joy: What? Earl, did you do me?

Earl: If anything, you did me. I was drunk. I don't remember anything after Fat Steve going through the wall.

Joy: Sweet Jesus!

Earl: I know! I'm Dodge's father!

Joy: That explains why Dodge's moustache is starting to come in already.

Darnell: [reading the DNA results] We've got another problem.

Earl: What?

Darnell: These three DNAs match. That means it's you and the boys, which makes this one mine and it doesn't match any of those.

Joy: What does that mean?

Darnell: It means I'm not Earl Junior's father.

Joy: Now, everybody just calm down.

External links[edit]